Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Fruity Zombies: An Ariana Dream

I'm walking down the road, flipping out because all the roads are empty and no one (alive) is around to be seen. Just empty cars, debris, and dead people laying around.This goes on for a while, until I notice something is following me. I spaz out, thinking that it's the zombies, and I'm totally fucked now. So, I start running, because I don't have a shotgun, and everyone knows zombies hate fast food. The problem is, I'd die really fast in that situation, because everyone who knows me is aware of how graceful I am. Ok, so I trip, and all of a sudden, this Betty Crocker lady is standing above me, all rotted and scary looking, and I'm thinking- 'I be fucked now...' And then all of a sudden, she holds her hand out to me. "Hurry, we have to go- before they come!" I blink. "Huh?" She grabs me, and proceeds to use her zombie strength to drag me to a park. The park is all- not dead looking- which totally suprises me. She starts talking to me. "You are the only human left. I must protect you, or else you will die, and then the world will be doomed." I'm pretty confused at this point. "Uh, but, uh- you are a zombie- right? So, like, shouldn't you want to kill me and doom the world?" She laughs. "That's not how my voodoo practicioner programmed me, silly! No. And plus. I don't eat humans. I'm kind of a vegetarian." Ok, so now I'm kind of really confused- all WTF is going on... and all. She continues. "So we must save you. Or you will die. And the world will die with you." She pushes me into a stream, and me, sitting there all confused, wet, and sniffly, look up at her angrily. "What the hell?!" She smiles again. "Water will protect you." I am squinting at her. "I don't know what kind of bizzaro world you heard that from, but I think you're mixing up zombies and the Wicked Witch of the West." She shakes her head at me. "No... just trust me. Water will protect you." Alright, so I'm sitting in a stream, feeling totally un-trusty, and knowing, somehow, in my gut, that I be fucked. So all of these "vegitarian zombies" are sitting around, playing poker, and waiting for all of the big bads to show up. And all of a sudden, this Betty Crocker zombie jumps up and is all- "They are coming!" So I'm all scared to the point I'm going to faint to death, and I'm looking at the gap in between the trees... waiting for the horrible zombie army... and- two zombies come out. One of them is dressed in Gucci with a hoop in his ear, wearing extremely tight pants. I can see his undead junk. The other one seems to be wearing a hawiaan shirt and he only has one eye in the center of his forehead. He's carrying a cage. A tiny one. So, I'm feeling very angry that the Gods are making my life into a bad movie, and all of a sudden, this little gay zombie takes out the whole vegitarian zombie army in like, two blinks. Now I'm feeling like I'm going to piss myself, because the Betty Crocker bitch is all knocked out, and the only thing lying in between me and the fruity zombies is.. grass. So he prances over to the edge of the stream, and proclaims- "I'm going to make your death as awkward as possible!!" I screech and start flinging water at them. Suprisingly, the Betty Crocker zombie was right. It appears to be deterring the one with only one eye. But- it appears to be giving the really gay one some sort of sexual thrill?? AHH! He's all burning up by the water and moaning, and I'm trying to keep the water flinging thing up, because, seriously, that's all I have- and even though he's getting his kicks off on this, it does seem to distract him from killing me. Which I'm all for. Until the stream runs out of water. (Yeah, I know, WTF- I was thinking that too) And he grins, repeating the fact that he's going to make my death as awkward as possible... blah blah blah. He jumps over the stream and he and I proceed to get in a slap war- and I scratch my hand on his tooth. So... I scream. Really loud. And punch him in the face. Further injuring my hand. But... the good news is, I woke up the Betty Crocker zombie. She looks at my hand, and commands me to put it in the stream, which has miraculously come back, and she tosses me a battle axe. So, I run to the stream, and the Betty Crocker zombie pwns the gay zombie, by ripping his head off. It really burns to put my hand in the stream, but I keep it in there, until I see the one eyed zombie coming towards me, shaking his cage at me. So, naturally, I do what any normal person would do. I slice him in half. And the other half of him says- "Hey! I'm on your side! Look in the cage!" And I was thinking- oh yeah, totally, open the cage and some sort of demented zombie mouse is going to pop out and eat your face. But apparently my head and my arm were on oppisite sides. The cage opened, and there stood.... Tinkerbell?? So, the one eyed zombie dies, and Tinkerbell heals my zombie wound, and the end. WOO!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pubic Haircuts...

Ok. Awkward topic. But totally in need of disscussing. Nowadays there are alot of things that people are doing down there. Like... shaving it all off. What the duece is that shit? I mean, seriously, keep it MAINTAINED, but do you seriously want to look like a little five year old down there? Especially if you are a guy. And, it's itchy as SHIT!! And then, the landing strips. Landing strips are equally stupid. I mean, if you are going to shave, shave it all off, or none at all. Now what would be intresting to see down there would be artwork. I mean, if you are going to fuck with your pubes, then make spirals, zig zags, cool designs that are going to make people look twice. Assuming if they are down there in the first place. ;)  Make it intresting.  Comment with ideas!!

25 Reasons That Kids Are Awesome

1. They don't look at you funny when you act like you are spiderman.
2. They are all for getting chocolate all over their face.
3. If you want to sit in a mud puddle, then danggit, they are gonna join you.
4. They have amazing epic questions that make you think twice.
5. They don't judge you, unless you let them down, and even then, they are quick to kiss and make up.
6. They can imagine themselves anything, anywhere, anytime.
7. They are inquisitive, and they always are up for learning.
8. They can always put a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry.
9. They love you unconditionally for who you are.
10. They say the darndest things.
11. Even though they  make you highly aggravated at times they make it all up with saying I LOVE YOU.
12. They can play for hours and hours.
13. They have some kind of voodoo effect that anything that they do can automatically be fixed when they give you that icky mushy look.
14. They look sort of cute when they drool, in a drooly way.
15. Their smile can fix a  broken heart.
16. They make you feel all warm and mushy inside when they give you the "look".
17. They're curious about everything.
18. They trip you out whenever you are all baked.
19. They dance like robots. :D
20. They have ninja skills.
21.  Some of them can somehow fit their entire fist in their mouth.
22. And do backflips off the bed.
23. They remember everything that you don't.
24. They think like stoners.
25. They look cute in bear suits. ^__^

- Written by Ashley Bostwick and Ariana Joy

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jao Na

Have you ever been totally alone in a room of people?
People that love you, people that need you, people that
are a part of you- but it doesn't matter. Not even they can
break through all the time anymore. You are alone.
It seems as though you were born so. You are one of a kind.
But who, exactly- are you? You know what you aren't.
You aren't always right. You aren't like the others. You
have a power radiating through you that chokes you more
than it helps, but you choke without it too.
Going without it is like trying to quit heroin or smack cold turkey.
You sweat, you hurt.
And you can't even find someone that understands.
They understand sometimes, but even then sometimes,
their eyes glaze over and you've lost them.
The only person that TOTALLY got it you didn't get, and pushed away.
Was it right, or wrong? Or is there such a thing as right or wrong?
I don't know if I'll ever find out.
You love them all, with an ache that consumes your soul,
but you can't always help. You can't always let them in when they
need you there. You see the cuts, and the tears, and the misery that
they go through and you understand the pain, and you feel,
but you don't understand.
You don't at all. You know what it feels like- you've experienced
it- but somehow, you don't experience it anymore. You FEEL it, running through you,
but you've escalated that plane. You don't experience it. You are numb.
It kills you to watch, but you can't feel.
I just can't look- it's killing me.
They need me to feel.
But I can't.
Does that make sense?
The stars cry. The sun is fighting for his flame.
The rainbow feels faded.
And the moon watches it all as a distant viewer.
She sighs painfully, she can't touch them.
And they can't touch her.
The magick, the magick. Can't lose the magick.
It's the only thing that penetrates this concrete wall.
The only thing that I feel.
Sparkles, and flame. Sparkles all over.
I can feel you, all around me.
Mother, can you feel me too?
Or am I as empty as I feel?
Shh. Empty is such an empty word.
Musn't utter it. You won't get to watch
with the others.
Man, Oi thinks you messed up mi wiring.
I is different, summat.
Shh. Empty is such an empty word.
What do I need? What am I looking for?
What is looking for me?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Even Before Spill- The Oceans Couldn't Take Any More- Will the Ocean Survive?

I'm not really one to quote the bible. I'm not really Christian, I'm wiccan. But I've read the bible, and I've payed attention to it. In Revelations it says that "the water will turn to blood." P.J. Hahn, the management of Plauquemines Parish, tells the Associated Press- "That's what the water looks like out here- like the Gulf is bleeding. This is going to choke the life out of everything." The oil spill is America's worst- even more so than the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster. Everyone is holding their breath and waiting to see if BP's containment cap can stop this horrible occurance. This all began April 20, when an explosion blasted apart a oil rig and killed 11 workers. Is this humanity's last strike against the ocean? That's what Phillipe Cousteau Jr., host for Animal Planet, and Planet Green thinks. "I could cut my leg off, I could cut my arm off, I could gouge my eye out- I'd still survive, but not very well." Cousteau tells Bill Maher. "And that's what we are doing to our oceans." Below I've included some pictures of the damage being done on the Gulf Coast. So far, BP has engineers guiding underwater robots to clamp a containment dome over the ruptured Deepwater Horizon, well a mile underwater. The company said Saturday that the containment cap had collected about 252,000 gallons of crude oil in the last twenty four hours. That is only a third of the daily spillage. BP hopes that it's containment cap can eventually caputure about 90 percent of the crude oil spilled, but a definete method for stopping the flow won't be ready until August 2010, when two nearby relief wells tap into the underground pocket of oil and relieve pressure from the blown our rig. Will it be too late?

These are some of the pictures showing the damage being done, animals injured, animals dead, and the ocean itself.

Friday, June 4, 2010

25 Things that PISS ME OFF

1. When people IM you just to say "what's up" like three times a day. It hasn't changed! If I haven't messaged you, it's not important! FUCK!
2. When you are walking down the street (or hallway if you go to school) and dumb bitches gotta talk smack. If you don't know me, don't open your fucking trap! I do have quite a bit of anger problems, and true- I've never blown up on anyone before- but you don't want to be there when I do. Trust me.
3. When little fourteen year old boys make up alter egos to have endless cyber sex with other little fourteen year old girls. If you are so ugly you need an alter ego, just give it up.
4. When you are all stoned and someone comes and fucks up your high by messing with you.
5. Apps on Facebook. I go back after I empty them and there's like fourty more there! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT FARMVILLE! IF I WANTED A COW, I'D GET ONE FOR REAL!!
6. When people tell you to do something when you ask them, and then get pissed off when you do it. If you didn't want me to do that, then say so. THIS ISN'T FRANCE!!
7. When someone pulls in front of you and then starts going ten under the speed you were going.  Why couldn't you just do that- BEHIND ME?! That's a novel idea!
8. When a teacher flunks you when you are only two points from passing. JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN LAID IN YEARS- DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME!! D:< I might have worked harder than normal for that D. Jeez.
9. Guys that I see making out with like five chicks in one day.
10. When random guys message me on myspace asking me my bra size. WHATS YOUR BRA SIZE??!
11. Ostriches!!
12. Justin Bieber. Stupid bint.
13. Edward Cullen, that magnificent poof.
14. When they try to make a movie about a book and you don't know wtf is going on.
15. When your friends smoke all your weed.
16. When your friends eat all of your food- after smoking all your weed.
17. When people come over to your house and start going through your shit.
18. When people say they are going to be there, and they never show up. Or call. Or have a pliable reason, like getting hit by a car, or mauled by angry man-eating armadillos.
19. When your friends mess with your car radio when you didn't tell them they could. I mean, i'm not going to pay a lot of attention to that- but don't make a habit of it, or I'll smack your arm off.
20.  People who's reason for existance revolves around that piece of shit book, Twilight. Edward Cullen is a fictionary character, and he will never love you! Accept it!!
21. Emails from Mormans, trying to convert you.
22. When people put signs in your yard about Jesus because they think you worship Satan.
23. When people throw temper tantrums.
24. When people have no sense of humor. At all.
25. When you are driving down the road, and all of a sudden- BAM! There's a frickin' cow there, and you have to swerve around it or perish. Fix your fence, dude!! Some of us are kind of high, here- and it takes a great deal of skill to swerve around a cow!!

Note to reader: Not generally so angry, I'm just ranting. I do that. Fucking cows.

Justin Bieber: Why He Sickens Me

Justin Bieber. Those two words inspire a fear in my soul, screaming out in pain, and telling me "dear god, cover your ears!" Don't get me started on him. Her. He/She. The stupid hair, the stupid music, the stupid way he talks. I'm sure he's a decent person. Maybe. But I'm just pissed off that people think he's so amazing when his music could kill an elephant in its tracks. Can you actually believe that a bunch of little kids almost mob him to death every time he goes to a concert?? He's the next Jesse McCartney, guys. Should we be afraid for the future? Why do all of these girls think he's pretty? I just want to shoot him in his face to improve his looks! The very first time I listened to his music I thought it was a lesbian singing. I was all- hey, right on, lesbian singer- and then this chick is all- that's not a lesbian! That's Justin Beiber! He's ammmaaazzinngg! And I'm thinkin'- WTF that's a DUDE what's wrong with his genitalia?? Did someone drop a bag of bricks on his junk? What is his mother feeding him? Now I'm sure if I ever met him in person, I would probably think.. he SUCKED. Based on the interviews and stuff I've read on him, he's a shallow piece of crap sixteen year old that looks like he's still twelve. He's a womanizer already, and he's just a little teenager. He actually made Seventeen magazine, which doesn't suprise me, because Seventeen magazine is what all the stupid little betches read to jack off to. I sincerly hope that this crap never reaches my own children's ears, and if it does, I'm going to beat them with the CD to install a sense of fear of his face. That's all I have to say.


Mirror, mirror, on the wall
I've been listening to you call
Did you want me to come to you?
I've been feeling like the color blue
Is it very difficult to see?
Please, I beg of you- heal me
Put self knowladge into my heart
Tear these horrible feelings apart

A Check List- Dreams and Ambitions

Graduate from high school.
Go to college. For art??
Have my own house.
Have my own stuff.
Have an attack parrot.
Fall in love. Or not? I don't know yet.
Go to London.
Go to France.
Go to Ireland.
Publish books.
Work in a pub.
Drive a semi truck.
Get an assortment of piercings and tattoos.
Find Robert his dream guy.
Make sure Robert doesn't blow the house up.
Get a night job.
Learn how to play the drums.
Learn how to play the sax.
Learn how to blow stuff up effectively.
Travel with a carnival.
Travel with hippies.
Join a commune.
Buy a Gypsy Cob.
Move to Ireland and use said Gypsy Cob as transportation.
Change my name.
Buy a wolf dog.
Name him something cool.
Teach him how to scare the crap out of people.
Be happy & healthy.
Don't die.

Things that worry me-and/or make me nervous

When I get called to the office when I know I've been smoking behind the gym.
My mother when her voice shakes.
Avery when she cries.
Sean when he looks like he's knawing his arm off and no one notices. (Am I the only one with EYES??)
Anyone that I love mad dogging me for no reason.
Streets with hooligans on them.
Mom dying.
Avery dying.
Ashley dying.
Robert dying.
Sean dying.
My future- I mean seriously, wtf am I gonna do about that??
People seeing me cry.
People seeing me showing emotions.
Feeling emotions.
Not feeling anything.
Feeling totally un-needed.
Shrinks trying to analyze my fear of emotions.
Religious Fanatics.
Angel Dust.
Being stalked.
Being loved.
Being loved by someone I don't love back.
Loving someone.
Being replaced by a pod person.
Being replaced.
Having Nick move back into the house.
Being alone for all eternity.
Being surrounded in people for all eternity.
Panic Attacks.
Being invisible.
People walking away.
People knowing that life terrifies me.
People knowing what I can do.
Worry itself.

Why Edward Cullen Sucks as a Vampire

I am not a fan of Twilight. Actually, I have a hatred for it that consumes my spleen. Stephanie Meyer's vision of the creatures of the night is sickening and it makes me want to hurl projectile vomit all over my shoes. I mean, sparkley, "vegetarian" vampires, that "love" humans and drive Volvos aren't really high on my list of heroes. Especially vampires that haven't been witched into being soul having. The true reality is that if Edward did love Bella and he was a true vampire, he would turn her quicker than anything, and they would go on a village pillaging, baby eating, kitten killing, damn the world, we're bad-ass vampires forever rampage, killing a lot of people and mocking the righteous. But nooo... he shies away from making her undead- and having sex with her, for that matter- and he continues to prance around like a magnificent poof, all butterflies, rainbows, and tra la la. And did I mention he has stupid hair? I mean, what kind of hair goes straight up like that? Me, personally, I am a giant Buffy fan, and I firmly believe in "And then Buffy staked Edward, the end." Now, that is what I want to see in the next wanker film that comes out with Robert fuckin' Pattinson in it. I'd like to see him get into a fight with Spike. He could barely handle that silly bint James by himself without getting the shit beat out of him. If his family hadn't come along and rescued him from the big bad, James would have killed him, eaten Bella, and went off to have a victory shag with Victoria while all of those wannavamps wept like little girls. Am I right? Yes. Now don't get me started on all of those little Twilight loving fourteen year olds. I just want to punt them over a fence. Edward sucks, and I hope you fall on your head and drown in your own puke for liking such a horrible book series/movie series. May you shove your Twilight action figures up your ass. And Edward- don't lie. You are having a secret affair with Jacob Black, and you are both madly in love. Bella's just a cover. Plus, she's butt ugly and flat chested anyway. End of story.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Philosophy on Life as of Summer 2010: Part One

In my life, I have come across sources and information that have made me think about my tenets. They hae changed quite a bit over the years- but the ones I have now have proved to me the best way to do things in my own life. I believe that humanity is black and white, "good" and also "evil". I've seen "good" people do "bad" things, and "bad" people do "good" things- and I have come to believe in the saying, as quoted from the movie Hogswatch- "Things just happen... what the hell."
My tenets are rather complicated. My prime mover is not just one male deity, like most of the western faiths, but a god AND a goddess. I believe this because I figure that there is no way that one of the male persona can run things by themselves, because eventually, they are going to fuck things up. This is a personal philosophy. In "The Book of Shadows," they speak of "the Goddess" being the first deity created, and that she gave birth to "the God." I really don't know that it's right, or if it's wrong, but I believe that all of the beliefs and "Gods" exist because of human belief.

Also in Hogswatch, strange things happen, like for example- "The God of Hangovers" was blinked into existance because a human thought him up, also "The Veruca Knome," and "The Sock Monster." Now, I'm not going into the extreme that veruca knomes and sock monsters are going to pop into your house if you think of them, but I do believe that this concept works for the whole "God" notion. I've also toyed with the idea that everything you believe in being created on their own astral plane.
Now, as for the creation of the universe, I believe that it might have been created by a deity, such as "the Goddess," but I also wonder if it was just a huge mistake, and we are just here because we got lucky. Or maybe, perhaps, we were the Gods at one point, and put other Gods in charge by thinking they were in charge instead of us. Kind of like unknowingly giving your position away to another coworker and not being able to get it back. Maybe we thought ourselves into existance. Maybe it's all just a big, chaotic mess that just suddenly poofed into existance, like in the movie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, when the whale just is created by accident and falls through the sky. It seems rather pliable to me. We are a nation of whales.
Humans are funny creatures. From my observations, they are so different, yet the same-tied together by common emotions that rule them. I've heard many different religions say that Humans are on the earth to do "God's bidding," follow their "destiny," and whatnot. Could it be possible that we are being controlled, like a puppet, or some sort of Barbie doll for a higher being? Could it be possible that that higher being can plan out your life track and send you out into the world with their imprint on you- so you can be played like a video game character? Follow the stars, Mario. I personally have the opinion that I'm not sure that I have an opinion. Because sometimes- I feel as if someone is pulling the strings and watching me fumble around- like how I watch a anime and snicker underneath my breath at their corky circumstances- and sometimes I feel as if it's my life; DAMN anyone who tries to control me, higher being or not- I'm making this stupid decision on my frickin own. But then again, is that what they want me to think?
My opinion on human nature is that we are what we are, and nothing can really change that, God or no. There is no pure shade of white, nor darkest shade of black- no being totally "good" or "evil", we are just animals. Animals that have the curse of thinking really hard about totally stupid things that don't even really matter anyway. We follow our instincts, sometimes, but most of the time we think with our emotions- and emotions are really unstable, so... guess what? We are too. We are chaos, but not by definition, "good" or "bad." I formed this opinion by studying the people around me, and reading "The Way of Zen," which helped me add onto my own theories.
Who knows if I'm wrong or right? I'm just thinking free range. Who knows? More later. I'm getting typing cramp.

Vegans Suck... Here's Why

Alright, so me and my best friend were having a disscussion on how Vegans were the most stupid people since the Amish.... So vegans say they don't eat anything that's alive. That means no eggs, no fish, no cows, no creepy little chickens in a bun- but they eat salads. And other vegan like crap. Which all, at one point- was alive. The frickin salad was once alive. The tofu was once alive. Well, not in its tofu-like state, obviously- but that's not the point- if you actually NEVER ate anything that was ever alive, you would be eating cardboard. But, wait- no- cardboard is made of trees- and those are alive. VEGANS ARE A FAIL!!! Fuckin' wankers.

-As discussed by Ariana Joy & Robert Leasure Watts