Monday, July 19, 2010

Religious Punishment- Sexual Thrills??

So... I've been thinking about flagellation. For those who don't know what this is- it's the method of beating or whipping yourself (or others) as a form of punishment. It's kinda... sadomasochistic... but hey... who am I to talk. Now- I have a theory about flagellation. The ones who do it say that it's a way to punish themselves for their "sins" in the same way that Jesus suffered... which I think is crap... because- I bet Jesus would say- "WTF, FOOL? THAT SHIT HURTS! I DIED TO FORGIVE YOUR SINS- AND YOU GO WHIPPING YOURSELF ANYWAYS?? DUMBASS!" But... when you think about it, some of these people are thrilled by the pain, the anguish of the cat o' nine tails ripping into their back. What if they are whipping themselves to give themselves pleasure, rather than repent? And by doing that, how are helping anything? Anything but your morbid sex life, that is. I don't know, really, just a suggestion. What do you guys think?

25 MORE Things That Piss Me Off

  1. Nazis. Nazis and their stupid little armbands all... nazi-ish. Bastards. GAH!
  2. When you are doing dishes and you pull your hands out of the water and they look all... icky. It looks like something sucked on your hands for a couple of days.... *twitch*
  3. Twilight fans. Shut... the... fuck... up.... ALREADY!!! NO ONE CARES ABOUT EDWARD OR JACOB. THEY CAN SUCK MY IMAGINARY PENIS. Fuck you!!!!
  4. The fact that they always use boobs to draw people in to play games. Hey, look, boobs- guys- join our game! And the fact that when you sign up you see no boobs whatsoever.... But that's not the point...
  5. When you go to download a song, and it says- oh, you can't, this is a preview. WTF?? I'm going to track your site owner down, punch him in the face, and say- oh, that was a preview.
  6. When you are typing in the dark and a bug flies into your eye and while you are screaming in pain you fall off of your chair.
  7. When the sheesha is cashed and you take a giant draw and almost choke to death.
  8. Monks. Those assholes are so... SMUG.
  9. Rap. I mean, the only person that raps that I have respect for is Slim Shady, and the rest of them are just "Retards Attempting Poetry."
  10. People that hate Lady Gaga. Fuckin' dicks... No vision- no vision WHATSOEVER.
  11. Jocks. Stupid idiots, throwing around a diamond shaped ball, think they are better because they have giant ass muscles. Well- guess what?? YOU FUCKIN SUCK AT FOOTBALL, AND YOUR ASS IS NAUSEATING!
  12. Jim Carrey. I want to lock him in a room with angry Pikachu.
  13. The government. Who the FUCK put them in charge? Oh, yeah. America.
  14. AMERICA.
  15. My principal. She hates cleavage.... and we all know why.
  16. Ther-RAPISTS. That should say it all.
  17. Dr. Stogner. Stupid bint... angry memories... angry memories..
  18. Having to get up in the daytime.
  19. The sun. Stupid horrible yellow orb of DOOM...
  20. Not having sunblock.
  21. Not having gluesticks.
  22. Being controlled.
  23. Being manipulated.
  24. Having my freedom taken away from me from people lesser than me.
  25. Sterotypes.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Fruity Zombies: An Ariana Dream

I'm walking down the road, flipping out because all the roads are empty and no one (alive) is around to be seen. Just empty cars, debris, and dead people laying around.This goes on for a while, until I notice something is following me. I spaz out, thinking that it's the zombies, and I'm totally fucked now. So, I start running, because I don't have a shotgun, and everyone knows zombies hate fast food. The problem is, I'd die really fast in that situation, because everyone who knows me is aware of how graceful I am. Ok, so I trip, and all of a sudden, this Betty Crocker lady is standing above me, all rotted and scary looking, and I'm thinking- 'I be fucked now...' And then all of a sudden, she holds her hand out to me. "Hurry, we have to go- before they come!" I blink. "Huh?" She grabs me, and proceeds to use her zombie strength to drag me to a park. The park is all- not dead looking- which totally suprises me. She starts talking to me. "You are the only human left. I must protect you, or else you will die, and then the world will be doomed." I'm pretty confused at this point. "Uh, but, uh- you are a zombie- right? So, like, shouldn't you want to kill me and doom the world?" She laughs. "That's not how my voodoo practicioner programmed me, silly! No. And plus. I don't eat humans. I'm kind of a vegetarian." Ok, so now I'm kind of really confused- all WTF is going on... and all. She continues. "So we must save you. Or you will die. And the world will die with you." She pushes me into a stream, and me, sitting there all confused, wet, and sniffly, look up at her angrily. "What the hell?!" She smiles again. "Water will protect you." I am squinting at her. "I don't know what kind of bizzaro world you heard that from, but I think you're mixing up zombies and the Wicked Witch of the West." She shakes her head at me. "No... just trust me. Water will protect you." Alright, so I'm sitting in a stream, feeling totally un-trusty, and knowing, somehow, in my gut, that I be fucked. So all of these "vegitarian zombies" are sitting around, playing poker, and waiting for all of the big bads to show up. And all of a sudden, this Betty Crocker zombie jumps up and is all- "They are coming!" So I'm all scared to the point I'm going to faint to death, and I'm looking at the gap in between the trees... waiting for the horrible zombie army... and- two zombies come out. One of them is dressed in Gucci with a hoop in his ear, wearing extremely tight pants. I can see his undead junk. The other one seems to be wearing a hawiaan shirt and he only has one eye in the center of his forehead. He's carrying a cage. A tiny one. So, I'm feeling very angry that the Gods are making my life into a bad movie, and all of a sudden, this little gay zombie takes out the whole vegitarian zombie army in like, two blinks. Now I'm feeling like I'm going to piss myself, because the Betty Crocker bitch is all knocked out, and the only thing lying in between me and the fruity zombies is.. grass. So he prances over to the edge of the stream, and proclaims- "I'm going to make your death as awkward as possible!!" I screech and start flinging water at them. Suprisingly, the Betty Crocker zombie was right. It appears to be deterring the one with only one eye. But- it appears to be giving the really gay one some sort of sexual thrill?? AHH! He's all burning up by the water and moaning, and I'm trying to keep the water flinging thing up, because, seriously, that's all I have- and even though he's getting his kicks off on this, it does seem to distract him from killing me. Which I'm all for. Until the stream runs out of water. (Yeah, I know, WTF- I was thinking that too) And he grins, repeating the fact that he's going to make my death as awkward as possible... blah blah blah. He jumps over the stream and he and I proceed to get in a slap war- and I scratch my hand on his tooth. So... I scream. Really loud. And punch him in the face. Further injuring my hand. But... the good news is, I woke up the Betty Crocker zombie. She looks at my hand, and commands me to put it in the stream, which has miraculously come back, and she tosses me a battle axe. So, I run to the stream, and the Betty Crocker zombie pwns the gay zombie, by ripping his head off. It really burns to put my hand in the stream, but I keep it in there, until I see the one eyed zombie coming towards me, shaking his cage at me. So, naturally, I do what any normal person would do. I slice him in half. And the other half of him says- "Hey! I'm on your side! Look in the cage!" And I was thinking- oh yeah, totally, open the cage and some sort of demented zombie mouse is going to pop out and eat your face. But apparently my head and my arm were on oppisite sides. The cage opened, and there stood.... Tinkerbell?? So, the one eyed zombie dies, and Tinkerbell heals my zombie wound, and the end. WOO!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Pubic Haircuts...

Ok. Awkward topic. But totally in need of disscussing. Nowadays there are alot of things that people are doing down there. Like... shaving it all off. What the duece is that shit? I mean, seriously, keep it MAINTAINED, but do you seriously want to look like a little five year old down there? Especially if you are a guy. And, it's itchy as SHIT!! And then, the landing strips. Landing strips are equally stupid. I mean, if you are going to shave, shave it all off, or none at all. Now what would be intresting to see down there would be artwork. I mean, if you are going to fuck with your pubes, then make spirals, zig zags, cool designs that are going to make people look twice. Assuming if they are down there in the first place. ;)  Make it intresting.  Comment with ideas!!

25 Reasons That Kids Are Awesome

1. They don't look at you funny when you act like you are spiderman.
2. They are all for getting chocolate all over their face.
3. If you want to sit in a mud puddle, then danggit, they are gonna join you.
4. They have amazing epic questions that make you think twice.
5. They don't judge you, unless you let them down, and even then, they are quick to kiss and make up.
6. They can imagine themselves anything, anywhere, anytime.
7. They are inquisitive, and they always are up for learning.
8. They can always put a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry.
9. They love you unconditionally for who you are.
10. They say the darndest things.
11. Even though they  make you highly aggravated at times they make it all up with saying I LOVE YOU.
12. They can play for hours and hours.
13. They have some kind of voodoo effect that anything that they do can automatically be fixed when they give you that icky mushy look.
14. They look sort of cute when they drool, in a drooly way.
15. Their smile can fix a  broken heart.
16. They make you feel all warm and mushy inside when they give you the "look".
17. They're curious about everything.
18. They trip you out whenever you are all baked.
19. They dance like robots. :D
20. They have ninja skills.
21.  Some of them can somehow fit their entire fist in their mouth.
22. And do backflips off the bed.
23. They remember everything that you don't.
24. They think like stoners.
25. They look cute in bear suits. ^__^

- Written by Ashley Bostwick and Ariana Joy

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jao Na

Have you ever been totally alone in a room of people?
People that love you, people that need you, people that
are a part of you- but it doesn't matter. Not even they can
break through all the time anymore. You are alone.
It seems as though you were born so. You are one of a kind.
But who, exactly- are you? You know what you aren't.
You aren't always right. You aren't like the others. You
have a power radiating through you that chokes you more
than it helps, but you choke without it too.
Going without it is like trying to quit heroin or smack cold turkey.
You sweat, you hurt.
And you can't even find someone that understands.
They understand sometimes, but even then sometimes,
their eyes glaze over and you've lost them.
The only person that TOTALLY got it you didn't get, and pushed away.
Was it right, or wrong? Or is there such a thing as right or wrong?
I don't know if I'll ever find out.
You love them all, with an ache that consumes your soul,
but you can't always help. You can't always let them in when they
need you there. You see the cuts, and the tears, and the misery that
they go through and you understand the pain, and you feel,
but you don't understand.
You don't at all. You know what it feels like- you've experienced
it- but somehow, you don't experience it anymore. You FEEL it, running through you,
but you've escalated that plane. You don't experience it. You are numb.
It kills you to watch, but you can't feel.
I just can't look- it's killing me.
They need me to feel.
But I can't.
Does that make sense?
The stars cry. The sun is fighting for his flame.
The rainbow feels faded.
And the moon watches it all as a distant viewer.
She sighs painfully, she can't touch them.
And they can't touch her.
The magick, the magick. Can't lose the magick.
It's the only thing that penetrates this concrete wall.
The only thing that I feel.
Sparkles, and flame. Sparkles all over.
I can feel you, all around me.
Mother, can you feel me too?
Or am I as empty as I feel?
Shh. Empty is such an empty word.
Musn't utter it. You won't get to watch
with the others.
Man, Oi thinks you messed up mi wiring.
I is different, summat.
Shh. Empty is such an empty word.
What do I need? What am I looking for?
What is looking for me?

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Even Before Spill- The Oceans Couldn't Take Any More- Will the Ocean Survive?

I'm not really one to quote the bible. I'm not really Christian, I'm wiccan. But I've read the bible, and I've payed attention to it. In Revelations it says that "the water will turn to blood." P.J. Hahn, the management of Plauquemines Parish, tells the Associated Press- "That's what the water looks like out here- like the Gulf is bleeding. This is going to choke the life out of everything." The oil spill is America's worst- even more so than the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster. Everyone is holding their breath and waiting to see if BP's containment cap can stop this horrible occurance. This all began April 20, when an explosion blasted apart a oil rig and killed 11 workers. Is this humanity's last strike against the ocean? That's what Phillipe Cousteau Jr., host for Animal Planet, and Planet Green thinks. "I could cut my leg off, I could cut my arm off, I could gouge my eye out- I'd still survive, but not very well." Cousteau tells Bill Maher. "And that's what we are doing to our oceans." Below I've included some pictures of the damage being done on the Gulf Coast. So far, BP has engineers guiding underwater robots to clamp a containment dome over the ruptured Deepwater Horizon, well a mile underwater. The company said Saturday that the containment cap had collected about 252,000 gallons of crude oil in the last twenty four hours. That is only a third of the daily spillage. BP hopes that it's containment cap can eventually caputure about 90 percent of the crude oil spilled, but a definete method for stopping the flow won't be ready until August 2010, when two nearby relief wells tap into the underground pocket of oil and relieve pressure from the blown our rig. Will it be too late?

These are some of the pictures showing the damage being done, animals injured, animals dead, and the ocean itself.